Here, Eat This! The Adventures of Kiki Maraschino

Ray Byrne and mom

Hot dog stands across Los Angeles should be shaking in their boots right now. Ray Byrne of The Slaw Dogs in Pasadena has taken hot dogs to a whole new level. Indecisive people stand frozen in place staring at the Slaw Dogs menu. Other diners are truly inspired, practically giddy at the wealth of choices. Some of us are still talking about the toppings days later.

It all starts with the dog. There are all beef dogs, natural casing dogs, kosher dogs, bratwurst, two kinds of chicken dogs, and even a veggie dog, among others. You can have your dog grilled or “rippered” Jersey-style, thrown into the deep fryer until it splits.

There are 27 standard toppings, including sesame mayo, curry ketchup, pickled onion, jalapeno, chipotle mayo, and even sport peppers if you want to make a Chicago-style dog. 25 custom toppings, for an additional 99-cents, give you choices like bacon, pastrami, roasted pasilla peppers, jalapeno, chili, kimchi, thai-slaw, a fried egg and a number of different cheeses.

Not a do-it-yourself-er? “The Original” sports chili, cheese, mustard, onions and cole slaw. The slaw is unusual on a hot dog, but it works, adding a refreshing crunch. In fact, that is one of Ray’s skills. He is able to take seemingly clashing flavors and make them work together.

One recent special included a jalapeño kumquat chutney that blew me away.

The special muffalata dog (olives, pastrami, and Swiss) really worked. At this point the Slaw Dogs is going to have to take out a restraining order on me.

Two of the wilder dogs are the “Green Monster,” (roasted green chile, chipotle mayo, grilled onion, pepper jack and spicy garlic salsa) and “The TNT Super Dog” the latter which brings back memories of the Oki Dog, with a 12″ rippered dog, chili, cheese, bacon, pastrami, fries and grilled onion swaddled in a burrito. If that’s not enough, you can also request a fried egg.

The Thai Slaw Dog on a 12″ All Beef. Spicy peanut-coconut satay dressing, cilantro-carrot slaw, crushed peanuts and siracha aioli

Don’t forget to order the sweet potato fries, perfectly crisp and completely greaseless. There are also fry specials, most recently the truffle and Parmesan fries. I don’t know how they are going to ever take them off the menu without a riot ensuing.

There are also big, fresh, crunchy salads. Salad, shmalad.

My inspiration The Vancouver Dog, inspired by Japadog – a bratwurst with wasabi mayonnaise, grilled onions, with just a sprinkling of nori. I don’t know what the crunchy bits are, but I trust Ray implicitly

The irony is that owner Ray Byrne didn’t even eat a hot dog until he was 20 years old (It was at Pink’s). He first considered a burger palace, but decided the hot dog would be the perfect vehicle for his creativity.

Little does Pink’s know it, but there’s a new sheriff in town. Move over, little dog. The big dog’s movin’ in.

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Photo thanks to JM3 via Flickr

The other night I went to the new Nobu, and it seems like I can’t tell anyone that without them becoming maudlin and pouting, “Ohhh, L’Orangerie.” Poor L’orangerie, that used to occupy the space. Everyone misses it so. Well, you know what? Screw L’Orangerie. There. I said it. Their foie gras creme brulee was ridiculous. It was an insult to the poor duck or goose who laid down its gluttonous life to make that crap.

People seem to miss some bygone era when waiters treated everyone like crap and they all ate it up with a spoon. It reminded me of hairdressing school and how the old ladies loved it any time the hairdressers got bitchy and told them off or smacked them with the brush.

I was taken to L’Orangerie on my birthday back when it was a real splurge, a rare occasion to ever go out to eat anything anywhere. I dress properly, I have manners, and I no longer have purple hair. Yet from the moment we walked in the door we were sneered at as if we weren’t good enough to grace those hallowed halls.

The servers had a friend or a VIP at a nearby table and as a result we were completely ignored all night. You need a fork? Too bad. They didn’t even bring me my coffee ever. The only one who noticed my plight and caught my eye with a sympathetic glance was the piano player. So I walked over and put half of the waiter’s tip in the giant snifter for tips on the piano.

Well, I ate the frugal way at Nobu last week, in the bar, off the budget menu, and those servers treated us like gold. I love waiters. I like the older lifers for whom it is a noble profession and I love the chatty young ones who make me feel like we are gossiping over the menu. True, I am older and fatter and probably look like I can afford a bigger tip. True, now I am a writer and sometimes they know it, and maybe that changes everything.

Maybe now those waiters at L’Orangerie would be crawling up my ass. But I still can’t forgive them for humiliating my then-boyfriend who had saved up his pay to make his foodie girl’s Gourmet magazine dream come true.

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Tourists in Hollywood always want to hit Pink’s. For late-night eats, giant dogs and the comraderie of fellow insomniacs it’s still worth a stop. But something is in the wind… (foreboding music)

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On Valentine’s Day the one gift I wanted to give Bob was the experience I had had at Rivera. I wanted him to be amazed by the snails and delight in the piquillos rellenos (STUFFED SPANISH PEPPERS, CHORIZO, GOLDEN RAISINS, GRUYERE).

There was a prix fixe menu, so I ordered those two dishes in addition to our dinners. I also tried a flight of infused tequila. The cucumber-serrano was so refreshing, and the pomegranite was YUM. The grapefruit was a little shocking on the palate right after the chiles.

We were brought an amuse bouche of duck carpaccio that set your mouth on fire. This was no gentle introduction into the meal. There was no lightening up for new diners or your grandmother. This carpaccio said, “You are in MY house now! Prepare yourself for a meal unlike any other.”

The first course was a cooling and refreshing follow-up, fresh, gigantic shrimp alongside a mint sauce and a salad of melon and cucumber.

Shrimp in the sushi-style cooler

I had promised not to take pictures. This evening was about us. I was not on the clock. But of course I just couldn’t stand it. when I saw the beautiful filet mignon with celery root puree I had to take out my little point-and-shoot. At that very moment John Rivera Sedlar came out to say hello and totally busted me!

The dessert was a whimsical delight, with a cocoa powder cupid on the plate. John said it was really hard to find Cupids and they eventually had to download one off of the internet. The gateau was filled with pine nuts, with whipped cream and rhubarb sauce.

We retired to the bar to open up the table and I enjoyed a tequila mujer, the perfect ending to a perfect meal.

My special Valentine

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