Alaska Day 6 Friday: Skagway – Back on the Train Gang

Posted on August 19, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Day six we disembarked in Skagway, a town founded by prospectors, conmen and prostitutes.

The main attraction these days is the White Point Railway. whose “golden spike” was hammered in 1900. At one point it helped prospectors carry supplies into the Klondike. These days it runs a 3-hour round-trip for tourists through breathtaking scenery.

A giant rock fell on some of the men laying the original train tracks. The rock was too big too move, so they announced there could be no more grand memorial and it is maintained to this day,

Near the top of the mountain, it started to look like a quarry. But even that was beautiful.

The Canadian border. The end of the line for us.

Even on a cruise I somehow manage to happen upon a cemetary.

Did anybody else see Emperor of the North?

It was late in the season for salmon fishing. Once they’re already dying, they get “mushy”. It didn’t prevent a lot of people from taking advantage of the easy picking. My mom warned me not to look at the gory sight of them stabbing this fish in the head, but she forgets I’m not a squeamish 12-year old anymore.

This tourist touring car almost ran me over as I crossed the street. The first thing that ran through my mind was, “Dear Lord, please do not let me get killed by such an embarassing-looking vehicle.”

My mom chose our lunch spot, The Red Onion Saloon.

When I sat down I realized we were in a small local museum – the local prostitute museum. All of the servers wore corsets and the walls were covered with vintage nude photos. Talk about your theme restaurants! I was kind of tired from the previous day’s mushing, so I didn’t really linger over my chili. The whore chili, I mean. In the whore restaurant. With my mom. Who was having whore chowder.

The microbrew was excellent, and the whore chili was OK.

That night my mom and I gave the ship’s “fancy restaurant”, the Bordeaux, one last try. The night before I had a completely unremarkable meal of burnt escargot and bland pasta. The waitress had been unable to open a bottle of champagne and no one appeared to help her. I even begged her to let me open the bottle.

Thursday’s boring pasta

I would not have even returned the second night, but they were keeping that champagne chilled for me. Plus it was “Octoberfest” night at the buffet and that outright scared me. I had doubts the champagne could retain its effervescence overnight, but I had REALLY wanted champagne.

OK, so flash-forward to night two at the Burgundy restaurant, surrounded by men in tuxes who searched for about 20 minutes before they could find my champagne. Damn if it didn’t stay fizzy. I kept the rubber cork and brought it home in my suitcase for my next bottle.

This is a close-up of those twinkly lights. My mom leaned over during her entree and confided, “If I had these lights in my house, I would shoot them all out with a shotgun.” She probably would, too.

The goat cheese croquettes were nice. The filo triangle was mysteriously empty of any filling.

We gave in to the locale and I ordered King Crab legs. They were pretty good. Better than Outback.

But my mom’s venison was unbelievably bad. Like shocking. Wow. There was some unidentifiable timbale of muck alongside. I asked what the muck was, and the non-native English speaker said, “The emm, the nuts.” I asked, “The deer’s nuts?” with an innocent expression, and he said, “Yes, the deer’s nuts”. Simultaneously, my mom shouted my name with that special timbre she only uses when she thinks I am being recreationally cruel. We figured out it was a chestnut puree. And wow. It was dried-out, bland, and with a texture I hope to never experience again in this lifetime. In fact, if I am reincarnated, I hope to not experience it in that lifetime either.

The black forest cake was seriously killer. The buffet and dining room may have been C-plus, but the bakery was getting straight A’s.

Probaby the best thing we ate all day was my mom’s toffee ice cream. mmmmm.

That night I hit the casino. First of all, drinks were not free, a shocker. I was doing alright at Blackjack. But I was asked politely not to curse. I said, “I didn’t realize children were allowed in the casino.” Any place that’s going to rob me of my money and not even let me yell, “Jesus f-ing Christ!” while they do it doesn’t need my money.

So once again I spent the evening in the library listening to Allegro non Troppo and Music of the Night drift up from the piano bar. Ray Coussins announced that the following night they would be playing “Name that Tune.” I took another sip of my mojito and thought, “Well, that ought to be easy.”

Posted in alaska, cruise | 2 Comments

Day 5 Thursday: Whale of a Tale

Posted on August 18, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

After dogsledding, my mom and I went to Twisted Fish for lunch. It was a water’s edge tourist trap, but they served up some of the freshest and best fish dishes I have ever tried. The salmon was cooked in coconut, like the usual treatment shrimp get on appetizer menus, and it really worked. The battered rockfish was amazing. It put halibut and cod to shame.

But what the hell was a crab tail? I have seen crabs and they definitely don’t have tails. Was it like the pope’s nose of the sea? It turned out to be the “apron” of the king crab. If you were comparing it to say, chicken, the difference would be that king crab legs are white meat and the apron is dark meat. I wouldn’t order them again, but now we know, right?

Hi, total freak taking pictures of the food. Ummm, that doesn’t show on my face, does it?

We checked out the salmon smokers, who were running the smokers the way my Uncle Pat does it…in other words, the right way.

This is a mine shaft where something worthy of a plaque happened, but I was too rushed to get a chance to read it.

The only way to follow up a day of dogsledding was with an evening of humpback whale-watching.

We came upon a group of humpbacks that were bubble netting.

Its most inventive technique is known as bubble net feeding: a group of whales blows bubbles while swimming in circles to create a ring of bubbles. The ring encircles the fish, which are confined in an ever-tighter area as the whales swim in a smaller and smaller circles. The whales then suddenly swim upward through the bubble net, mouths agape, swallowing thousands of fish in one gulp. This technique can involve a ring of bubbles up to 30 m (100 ft) in diameter and the cooperation of a dozen animals. Some of the whales take the task of blowing the bubbles through their blowholes, some dive deeper to drive fish toward the surface, and others herd fish into the net by vocalizing -wiki

I was on my own, but I kind of like being alone, and I really like sitting on the back of a boat alone just staring at the water.

Everything is beautiful. Everywhere.

This is a whale baleen. They don’t look like scrub brushes like I always imagined they would.

Baleen or whalebone is the means by which baleen whales feed. These whales do not have teeth, but instead have rows of baleen plates in the upper jaw – flat, flexible plates with frayed edges, arranged in two parallel rows, looking like combs of thick hair. Baleen is not bone, but is composed of keratin, the same substance as hair, horn, claws and nails. Whales use these combs for filter feeding. Whales are the only vertebrate group to use this method of feeding in great abundance (flamingos and crabeater seals use similar methods, but do not have baleen), and it has allowed them to grow to immense sizes. The blue whale, the largest animal ever to have lived, is a baleen whale. – wiki

After a few passes at the whales, we went and stared at the sea lions.

And stared at the sea lions.

And stared at the sea lions.

Someone mentioned the recent video that had shocked everyone by showing two orcas playing catch with a sea lion. Maybe I’m going to hell for this, but at that moment I thought, “I would pay like a million dollars for that to happen right now.”

There are time limits to paparazziing sea life, so we started motoring back to shore. Everyone went back inside to have a snack and warm up.

When we scattered my dad’s ashes at sea six years ago, I had been thinking how perfect it would be to see a whale, and right then a blue whale had breached. I was sitting outside all alone after we had left the whales and the seals, just staring at the sea when I remembered that whale. I silently thought to myself, “Come on dad, just give me one more whale. Just for me.” And this guy swam up.

Posted in cruise, whales and sharks | 2 Comments

Day 5 Thursday: MUSH!!!

Posted on August 17, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Thursday was super adventure day – probably the most exciting and spectacular thing I have ever done. We took a helicopter up to a glacier to go dogsledding. There is not enought snow at this time of year to go “mushing” at lower altitudes, but I’m so grateful for that; the Mendenhall glacier was unbelievably beautiful.

One of the guides said it was his seventh season up there and I just thought, “You are out of your mind.”

But that was before I drove the sled. There are just no words to describe it. It was the adventure of a lifetime. I could move there right now and start training for the Iditarod.

Prepare yourself for some serious cuteness.

My mom was sitting in the front sled with our musher, and I was on a sled towed behind. So I still had to brake and steer and everything, but she was in charge of the dogs. It was a lot like skateboarding. The ice was hard, so we went really fast.

Climb in! You can totally trust me.

I taught our musher the 1950s waterskiing extravaganza pose.

Can’t…stop…taking…pictures…of…dogs…

If you are ever in Juneau, you have to do this. It is worth any price.

Glacier Dogsledding http://www.akdogtour.com/

Posted in alaska | 3 Comments

Day 4 Wednesday: Thar she blows!

Posted on August 16, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

We had to rush back to the ship, where I hit the spa again for a facial. Up on deck, the omnipresent naturalist was conducting a whale-watch. This event mostly consisted of people asking each other, “Where? Over there?”
“At 3 o’clock”
“But how far away from us?”
“OK, you see the light on shore? Go to the right, then down a little.”
“Oh, there!”
Sometimes it was impossible to distinguish a rock jutting out of the choppy seas from any form of sea life. Is it a rock or a fin?

But then, thar she blows!

Later that night everyone wanted to eat at the buffet for dinner, but I’d had just about enough of the buffet. I decided to go to the 15-dollar Cajun restaurant. I needed catfish. It was time. I can only go for so long.

My friendly server brought me an appetizer selection. Alligator ribs suck; there is no way to make them good. They are purely for novelty. The shrimp were the usual, their oyster bienville was the only oyster I have ever liked in my entire life. Their take on grits and grillades, replacing the grillade with andouille was interesting. The french fries had a light dusting of spice that tasted exactly like Zapp’s Crawtaters, so I was happy.

Then he brought me a seafood bisque that was dark and earthy, the broth deeply infused with long-simmered crustacean shells.

Then he brought me my catfish.

Then he brought me everything else on the menu. Everything.

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Day 4: Wednesday – Land Ho!!! (Ho) Ketchikan

Posted on August 16, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Wednesday was our first day disembarking. We hit Ketchikan, where we hadn’t booked any “adventures,” which was lucky, because it was raining cats and dogs.

Since the Ketchikan brewery we had hoped to visit had shut down years before, we went to check out the microbrews over at Steamers. It looked like they had a flight from the Alaska Steamship Company, but when I asked the waiter about it said no. So I was understandably confused when they brought Ralph a flight along with my Moose Drool (the more horrible something sounds, the harder it is for me to resist).

I went ahead and got a “flight”, called a “sampler” by the less pretentious Alaskans. The hefeweizen really tasted of bananas. The IPA was good, but as usual, the amber was my favorite. The scallops appetizer we got totally kicked ass – fresh scallops wrapped in bacon bathed in hollandaise…sorry arteries, I owe you this one for the tournadoes.

We did a little tourist shopping.

Aren’t half of these items illegal?

I was summoned back into the fold before I could get a fortune from Pappy

We found a cool store called House of Haida run by local artisans.

Unfortunately, this bag I am in love with costs 7,000 dollars, yep, 7k. Why? Because it takes an entire year to make one.

Locals refused to sell their houses to make way for the road, so this tunnel was dug beneath the houses in 1954

THE place to get burgers in Ketchikan is Burger Queen. Burger King has tried to move into town a number of times and the locals wont have it.

Why is it called Burger Queen?

They offer an impressive array of freshly made shakes, but sadly no salmonberry. The boys showed me the bushes up on the side of the hill and it was clear why they were not picking salmonberries that day.

Burger Queen prints up a little newsletter to give you something to read while you wait. In a counterintuitive move, there is a section titled “Insect Facts”

Since there were no salmonberries that day, they made me up a special banana-raspberry shake, and along with the best burger EVER – seriously. Sorry Elbow Room, sorry Steves and Ricks and whomevers, but wow. Killer burger.

Posted in alaska, cruise | 1 Comment

Day 3: Tuesday – Let me take you on a Sea Cruise

Posted on August 16, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Tuesday was a “Day at Sea” which I had expected to be extremely boring, so I pre-booked a lime-salt scrub in the spa. It was really relaxing, even after I got the hard sell to buy a brush to invigorate my skin that turned out to cost 60 bucks. That definitely got my circulation flowing. But it does feel kind of good. Maybe that’s the allure for those pony people. Afterwards, I went in the Jacuzzi. The seas were so rough that the water in the pool was sloshing all over. It kind of looked like fun, but they shut the pool down before I could slam my head into the cement in the name of adventure.

I was kind of peckish, so I checked out their “Bar and Grill”. The knockwurst had a good snap, even if it was pretty much flavorless. I abandoned it (I would be SO fined – or spanked – for wasting food like that at The Elbow Room!).

I went and stared at the buffet out of boredom. kind of the way some people go to museums. It was a sushi-themed day.

Maybe it is a delicacy I am unfamiliar with, but at first I thought these were Steamed Carrots DANDRUFF

Then the ship entered a wormhole and traveled back in time to the 1950s. I believe this is ham and pineapple on white bread with melted cheese.

I only ate one thing at the buffet. I scooped the coconut filling out of the center of one of these tarts. Their bakery was pretty damn good.

Later that evening was a “formal night”. As you can see from my formal photograph, I handled the evening with my usual grace and panache.

The formal dining room had these crazy blinking lights everywhere.

I started with duck “delicioso”. No one knew what that meant, nobody. But what the hell. It turned out to be cold-smoked duck. Not bad.

For dinner we had the ever-popular and hard-to-screw-up tournadoes of beef. They did forget the bacon and béarnaise, the standard accompaniments of tournadoes, but Im sure my arteries will thank me for that later.

“The tournado is not a filet mignon, although the two cuts are both taken from the tenderloin of beef. The whole tenderloin can be divided into three basic sections: the head, the center and the tail. Filets are cut from the center of the tenderloin; the tournado, much smaller, is one of the first two or three cuts taken from the trimmed tail.” Kim Vernon

For dessert, I tried the champagne sorbet which tasted very much like simple syrup sorbet. The dinner service is somewhat chaotic, and the language barrier only added to the confusion.

It was Ralph and Mary Anne’s 30th wedding anniversary, so it was nice to celebrate with them, pop a bottle of champagne and have a bite of cake. Afterwards, I hung out in the library and was serenaded by Allegro non Troppo as played by Ray Coussins in the piano bar.

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Day 2: I’m going away on a sailing boat

Posted on August 14, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

We made it to the ship and boarded relatively easily. They take your photo as you board and you can buy them from a display later. Some people look more enthusiastic than others.

Once onboard everything was havoc. It’s kind of like Disneyland. There is the promise of fun and thrills, but with great inconvenience. It was one big group of people getting irritated en masse.

The décor is kind of tacky and inexplicable – Holiday Inn meets Las Vegas Casino.

Really, can you even tell if this is right-side-up? Maybe that helps in case of Poseidon Adventure.

Although I do like their Balinese pool area

Once our own troubles were sorted out, I was pleased to discover our cabin had a large closet area and heaven – a balcony!!! The view:

I will admit that the twin beds are extremely narrow. On the first night, I rolled right out of bed onto the floor – THUNK!

It is preferable to have an upper balcony

So Sunday night, we went to check out this buffet. Now all of my life I have been hearing mythic tales of fantasy cruise buffets. It was a little more Hometown Buffet and a little less Queen Mary brunch than I had imagined.

But I managed to find a few things I REALLY liked.

These mini quiche were light and fluffy, more like gougere

Vegan Moroccan tagine

This sugar-free cake seemed far too rich to be sugar-free. I suspect marscapone in the filling, but that would be kind of pricy, so it’s probably cream cheese.

After everyone else crashed, I hooked up to the wi-fi, got a drink and grooved to the sounds of the lounge pianist who mentioned a number of times that he had been Frank Sinatra’s pianist. A number of times. I recognized Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera, All the Way, and something intense from Allegro non Troppo that was played extremely well. I cozied into the library above the piano bar snug as a bug.

Posted in alaska, cruise | 1 Comment

Day 2 Sunday: Farewell Vancouver Stanley Park and the Elbow Room (CLOSED)

Posted on August 13, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Monday my mom and the neighbors went out for a leisurely breakfast while I slept late and made do with the leftover pastries from Mary Anne’s shopping excursion the day before.

Monday morning we took a quick tour around Stanley Park. I always forget how beautiful the city is. As I child I spent my summers here, usually on the island. I always imagined that if I ever left LA, Vancouver would be my new hometown.

I don’t mind vacationing in risky areas

as long as giant, irradiated ice cream cones are the result

After checking out of the hotel, Ralph was craving a hamburger, and I knew exactly where to get him one. Mary Ann and I left Ralph and Mom to watch the luggage and headed back to The Elbow Room. Armed with everyone’s requests, I placed the to-go-order over the phone and it went something like this

Hi, I’d like to get 4 burgers. Could I get 3 with grilled onions?
Sure. We can grill them up for you honey
And on the other one, just ketchup and relish
They come with tomato lettuce and pickle. We don’t have any relish
Ok do you have packets of mayo and ketchup
We really don’t have that kind of thing. Are you really sure you want to eat here, hon?
Yes, I really, really do.
OK. Hash browns?
No fries?
(Silence)
OK hash browns

We finally got the order and brought back thick, juicy, peppery burgers of perfection on cheese Kaiser rolls with delicious little O’Brien potatoes. Ralph asked, “They really don’t serve French fries? Are you sure they didn’t just want to get rid of the hash browns?” I said, “YOU go talk to the lady.

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Day 1: Vancouver Sunday dinner

Posted on August 13, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Sunday night we hit The Banana Leaf, a Malaysian restaurant recommended by our cabbie. I was so relieved to be traveling with people who were willing to try Malaysian instead of forcing us to eat at Applebee’s. A mix of Indian, Thai, and southeastern flavors, Malaysian food is fast becoming a favorite.

I started out with a mango “slushie” full of vodka that had this baby mesmerized.

The restaurant had rad psychedelic décor and cute, friendly servers. We started off with a sampler appetizer platter with roti (with dipping sauce), so-so egg rolls, perfectly fried calamari, and probably the best chicken satay I have ever had. They definitely weren’t shy with the seasoning here.

I over-ordered, as usual but we managed to finish just about everything between the four of us. The chicken curry was rich with coconut milk but not as fiery as a Thai curry.

They had to save that fire up for the incendiary beef rending, which hurts so much you can’t stop eating it. The coconut rice cooled the heat down nicely.

We also had sambal green bean with long beans and shrimp, and a second sambal shrimp dish that was pushing it. The second dish was far too sweet.

No one else was game to try the lamb shank, so I had to suffer, eating it myself. Poor, poor me. The star anise and cumin-scented broth along with fresh coriander made it comfort food with an exotic twist.

There was no way we were making it to Death by Chocolate for dessert.

There are 3 locations for Banana Leaf in Vancouver. They are not affiliated with the Banana Leaf in LA. They offer a 7-course tasting menu if you would like to have it all.

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Day 1: Saturday Vancouver: The Elbow Room (CLOSED)

Posted on August 12, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

OK, first of all let me warn all of you that this is my computer set-up right now. So forgive the spelling errors.

The flight, customs, everything went smoothly. Our room at what looked to be a cheesy Holiday Inn rocked – it was a suite, and we were right in the center of the gay neighborhood! Yay! Good food, safe, clean streets, and it is always easy to find a place to buy condoms! Gay gentrification is good for EVERYBODY.

I was kind of dazed from only 30 minutes’ sleep on the plane after 48 hours awake, and didn’t feel like wandering around just to check things out. So I let my mom and her 2 neighbors, Ralph and Mary Ann, take off and I jumped on the internet. Soon I had a promising destination – The Elbow Room, known as the best burger in Vancouver…and it was only a few blocks away!

You could tell immediately that this was not your average diner. The waitstaff are known for “abuse”. But it’s more like teasing, which made me feel right at home in a strange city. It was around noon, so I could go either way on breakfast or lunch. There was a risque-sounding 12-inch pancake but I REALLY wanted the burger. Arghhh. Maybe I could just order both and pick at them.

Not at this place. My server said, “No way can you even take 12 inches. I’m bringing you the 6-inch pancake.”

I argued, “I want the 12 inch AND the hamburger!

That was too much! I had crossed the line!

He said, “Oh, I get it, you’re being BAD. We have a BAD girl over here! Maybe you need a spanking! Do you need a spanking?”

What? What kind of place had I walked into? Soon he had a wild, red-headed cohort with a mysterious Eastern European accent backing him up, “Does she need a spanking?”

By now I was in fits of giggles and couldn’t even talk. I was just going to eat whatever the hell they brought me. And like it, if I knew what was good for me. Well they were NOT kidding about the pancake. It was light and airy, dotted with fresh raspberries and blueberries, but I probably ate one fourth.

If you don’t finish your meal at the Elbow Room, there is a mandatory fine. I donated a few toonies to their local version of “Angel Food” and escaped corporal punishment.

Posted in Canada, Vancouver | 1 Comment

I was a Teenage Supertaster!

Posted on July 28, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Ever since I was little, I have always been a “picky eater”. When I complained that food is overly salty, bitter, smoky or sour, people would insist that it was “just fine”. The butter wasn’t rancid, the meat wasn’t spoiled and the milk wasn’t “off”. It took a blind taste-test differentiating between six different kinds of soy sauce and an ugly showdown during which I dared my own mother to eat the mold off the cheese for my family to stop questioning me.

Even as an adult, I have had an unnatural revulsion for broccoli, which is probably the only thing I had in common with George Bush, Sr. On one particularly long and arduous train trip, I had the misfortune of sitting next to a broccoli farmer. Like someone who thinks a lesbian just hasn’t met the “right” man, she was convinced that if I only prepared the vegetable correctly, I would change my mind.

“Have you ever had Broccoli Florentine?”
“Have you ever tried it with cheese sauce?”
“Have you ever had broccoli with soy sauce?”
“What about cream of broccoli soup?

Finally my husband, God love him, stopped the endless interrogation by asking me, “But have you ever tried shit a la mode?”

It doesn’t stop with broccoli. My wine afficianado family has never grasped my distaste for the fruit of the vine. It was especially odd because I love champagne. Up until a few years ago, my family still tried to pour me wine at dinner and bought me expensive vintages as gifts. Again, maybe I just haven’t had the “right” wine. After one brother took me to a wine bar in San Francisco, I will admit that the “buttery chardonnay” did not make me grimace and run for the nearest spit bucket.

The list goes on – brussell sprouts, and even dark chocolate are unpleasantly bitter. Another freakishly picky food issue I have is with raw meat. I am frequently convinced that it has gone bad. My husband sniffs it and tries to explain to me that that is what raw meat smells like. I sniff it again and it smells rotten. He declares it perfectly normal. We go back and forth until finally it goes in the trash or he eats it himself. And to his credit, he hasn’t died yet.

Finally, one day my husband watched a television special and announce that I was a “supertaster”. I fit all of the criteria – coffee, dark chocolate, red wine, cruciferous vegetables, were all unpleasantly bitter to me. So I started checking it out. The final proof I needed was when Wikipedia mentioned that supertasters are also able to detect when meat is going bad faster than the average taster. I wasn’t crazy after all! Well, maybe I am crazy, but at least not about that.

Over at Blogsoop they had a radical idea — what if food bloggers were supertasters? They sent out tasting strips to food bloggers. They discovered after sending out taste strips that 80 percent of food bloggers reacted to the strips.

Miss Lindsay of LAist and I gamely stuck our taste strips in our mouths and were unimpressed. Paper. It tasted like paper. Then it was like gleaking over something sour, but in reverse, my entire mouth puckered up and I had to run into the bathroom. We both were sick for hours and could nt shake that awful taste, no matter what brand of mint we bought. Now I just have to dye my tongue blue and it’s official.

although some would disagree

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Where to eat in Leimert Park

Posted on July 23, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Ackee Bamboo serves up delicious Jamaican food in a cozy diner atmosphere.

Cafe Soul fries some of the best catfish in town.

Mama’s House for catfish, smothered meats, greens, and chicken wings the size of bats.

M&Ms Soul Food a breakfast classic, with some of the best yams in the city.

Shabazz Good Foods is the place to get your bean pie. The fish sandwiches are pretty good as long as you’re there, but it’s all about the bean pie.

This is a review of the Crenshaw and Adams location of Phillip’s BBQ.

Phillips is a legend, a monument in LA BBQ. And this one is the original. Some people claim that the sauce at the Leimert Park location is far superior to the sauce at the other two locations. Tender ribs slathered in those complex, multilayered sauces – who cares if you have to eat standing up?

And yes, Phillips still has signs everywhere.

Papa West is a new brunch spot in the location that was formerly Augustines.

The “rogue” M&Ms is closed now

Newly opening in its place is Creole restaurant New Orleans Vieux Carre.

Next-door to the M&Ms at Crenshaw and MLK stands a distinctly South LA phenomenon — the Louisiana Chicken/Chinese restaurant.

The atmosphere at 5th Street Dick’s Coffee and Jazz Emporium is easy and comfortable. The original location closed in 2000 when Richard Fulton passed away, but was re-opened around the corner on Degnan in 2005. There is always a welcoming vibe, whether everyone is gathering around to watch Dave Chapelle together, or hosting an impromptu dance lesson. The air-conditioned room provides cool respite on a hot day, and they make a mean banana-berry smoothie.

Babe and Ricky’s Inn was founded in 1964 on Central Avenue, and moved to its current location in Leimert Park in 1997. Laura Mae Gross, who locals and musicians call “Mama” is a darling who will even give up the secrets to her fried chicken if you’re nice, but don’t step out of line. The bartender is super-friendly, and the bands are like family. The club is only open Monday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Around 10:30pm a big soul-food buffet appears, with black-eyed peas and hot links in a spicy jezebel sauce. The buffet is rounded out with greens, juicy fried chicken and festival bread that is a nice surprise.

The sign says it all

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Meet me at 59th and Lex

Posted on July 12, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Bloomingdale’s diner is the perfect spot for ladies who lunch. 59th & Lex appears upon first glance to be only a glorified coffee bar for a quick break from the 40% off sale. This little diner is actually so much more than your typical department store lunch counter. The sandwiches and salads are delicious and the service is sheer perfection. These ladies would expect nothing less. Named after the corner on which the original Bloomingdales stands, the name 59th & Lex has been known to confuse friends from New York. The primary fare is just what you would expect for the properly manicured – light lunches and sinfully rich desserts. Just because you’re watching your waistline, it doesn’t mean you can’t splurge once in awhile right? After all, it is a special occasion. It’s always a special occasion when you just got your hair done.

The mango chicken salad is crisp, refreshing and filling. Goat cheese and mango are an unusual combination, but really work. Although pecans would make more sense with the fruity, creamy dressing, the walnuts do pair naturally with the goat cheese. The salad jumped the shark with the addition of sundried tomatoes. It was flavorful and acidic enough already.

A tuna salad sandwich is one of those simple dishes that is somehow often screwed up. The tuna at 59th and Lex is never screwed up. It is cool, lightly seasoned, and does not betray its true fish nature. The tomato is ripe and the lettuce is Romaine. All is as it should be. It is kind of strange that on this visit they brought half sourdough and half white bread. Maybe they serve so many soup/salad combos that they make sandwich halves in an assembly line. Or maybe the waiter forgot to ask what bread we wanted and didn’t want to have to deal with the crazy girls in the corner again. The fries are usually very good, but on this occasion, at least half were disappointingly limp.

The shrimp bisque is rich and creamy, but lacks seasoning. Something like a litle curry powder or saffron would give it character. The french bread is soft with a nice crust and it is difficult to resist eating the entire plate

For years I have been confusing waiters with bizarre behavior like ordering too much food and picking at it in order to write reviews. On one visit, my friend and I talked over each other, asked the waiter questions, discussed our options, then shut our menus with finality. The waiter looked down at our expectant faces and held his pencil poised over the notepad, “Are you ready to order?” We blinked at eachother, “We just did.” After repeating the order twice, soon our table was overflowing with plates that jutted out over the edge. The waiter said, “Your Chinese chicken salad will be right up.” I looked at the already crowded table in panic, “We ordered a Chinese chicken salad???” A smile crept over his face and I realized he had totally punked me. Good one.

59th and Lex is known for its fish and chips. One recent lunch hour, when a distressed diner wailed over the specials page, “What? No fish today?” and the waiter replied, “Yes, we have salmon” I could tell he was new. The cod is surprisingly unfishlike, and the batter is light yet crispy.

Another reason I love this diner is that they have this little corner nook that is often vacant, so you can hide and do weird things like pose your food for the best lighting. The banquette beneath the slatted wall pitches forward a little, so unless you feel the need to be ergonomic, sit against the solid wall

The cheesecake was fresher and more moist than the chocolate cake that day. It had a smooth, creamy texture, but was not “real” New York cheesecake, which I find to be kind of dry and powdery compared to West coast cheesecake (Ain’t no cheesecake like a west coast cheesecake cause a west coast cheesecake don’t STOP!).

I lusted after these shiny lily pad serving dishes, but they were ridiculously expensive. I still want them. Maybe I will register for them the next time I get married.

The ladies who lunch and their perfect coiffures

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Gordon Ramsay Does the Predictable!

Posted on July 10, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Why is everyone calling this an upset? I called this one with about 5 contestants left. You could see the fire in Christina’s eyes every time a challenge was posed. She is like a racehorse chomping at the bit, fully in the zone. Every time. Sometimes she fucked up, but it was lack of experience rather than the laziness, burnout, bad attitudes and possible mental conditions of the other contestants. It’s better to get someone you can train to do things your way before they have learned bad habits somewhere else (or got some serious baggage. Serious.)

Good on ya, and lets hope you can turn things around at the Gordon Ramsay in the London West Hollywood. Because Lord knows, last time was not what I expected…

Gordon Ramsay at the London: A How-to Guide
How to Dine at the new Gordon Ramsay at the London in West Hollywood:

Step 1: Make a reservation
This is surprisingly easy. Unlike the restaurants in Ramsay’s New York London Hotel, The Gordon Ramsay is practically a ghost town. Maybe it’s because Gordon Ramsay is not at the helm. Neither is the chef-who-cannot-be-named winner of this season’s Hell’s Kitchen. Who is at the helm anyways? For now, Andy Cook, formerly of Gordon Ramsay at the Conrad Tokyo and Josh Emett of Gordon Ramsay at the London New York, along with three sushi chefs.

Step 2: Find the restaurant
Drive up and down Sunset, always ending up on Holloway. When you see the Roxy, start watching for Clark. Because if no one bothered to tell you, like the website, or the person who took your reservation, or the person who confirmed your reservation, the sign for San Vincente reads CLARK. Now turn on Clark. Pass the restaurant on your left, remember that it used to be the Bel-Age, say a curseword and hang an illegal U-Turn. Turn into a driveway that is so understated it is practically invisible. Confuse the valets who don’t know that the restaurant is open yet. (Steps 3-7 are below)

Step 3: Marvel at the wonderous decor
It is like ice cream parlour meets funeral parlour with a little Barbarella thrown in. It is impossible to gauge the theme or era of the decor. Edwardian space-age? The bloop-y lounge music makes it feel like The Milk Bar from a Clockwork Orange. For some strange reason it seems as if Michael Caine circa 1968 is about to round the corner any minute.

Step 4: Figure out the menu
In a take on the tapas-sushi-small plates craze, the menu is not divided into courses, but price ranges with little rhyme nor reason. Although the server states that the lighter courses are near the beginning, they are not. Hog’s head and rack of lamb are not light dishes. Chilled pea soup and Caprese are not heavier dishes. There is also a tasting menu if you prefer.

Don’t fault the server for not always knowing what is on your plate – they are not given tastings or even fed cheaper variations on your meal for their group meal. Some of them have never eaten anything in the restaurant before. In addition, the menu is often not descriptive enough, offering simply foie gras when what arrives is actually pate de foie gras.

The small plates, a variation of the bar menu at the London New York, have their problems. One problem is that small plates get cold very, very quickly. It is about surface area and heat dissipation, if I remember high school physics. Cold mashed potatoes are BAD.

Step 5: Take a chance
Duck tongues, really? Really? It is like something out of Monty Python, “I’ll have the lark’s tongues and kitten ears, please, with a side of peacock vomit.” Maybe the weird decor is supposed to hint at a palace in Rome during the middle-ages The upside to the menu is that it gives people a chance to stretch their culinary boundaries a little and try something new. The downside is the precious little geometric shapes are sometimes laughable. Make sure to dine with someone who has a sense of humor, as this is going to be kind of funny.

Step 6: Don’t sweat the small stuff
Your fork is on the wrong side of the table, your server doesn’t know what’s on your plate, no one refills your water glass, and when they do, the napkin that they shield the glass with has disgusting stains on it, you have to ask before your plates are cleared every single time, and the coffee takes forever to arrive. Relax. They are new here. Give them time. It’s not like Gordon Ramsay is known for being a perfectionist or anything.

Step 7: Whip out your gold card
Prepare to shell out about 150 bucks a person, 250 bucks if you drank a lot, which definitely improves the experience. Hopefully the A&R guy from England is putting it on his room, because that is who I imagine you must be eating with. But it might be worth it this one time. Just for the fun of it. Now you know what duck’s tongues taste like. Chicharrones. Almost exactly like chicharrones.

For my complete review with loads more pictures, go to LAist

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Millie’s

Posted on July 10, 2008 by Kiki Maraschino

Once upon a time Millie’s was the only game in town. Sure, there was the House of Pies and the coffee shop on Sunset that is now some kind of brewpub — but no one ever went there. Millie’s had a strong family vibe. Everyone in the neighborhood considered it home. Most of the servers were local musicians, and everyone knew each other. Then new restaurants started popping up all over town, and when Millie’s changed hands around 8 years ago, it was the final nail in the coffin. Millie’s fell off the map.

Recently an old local came into town, and feeling nostalgic, we returned to our old haunt. I couldn’t believe it. There was al fresco dining, so the seating was not as cramped, and the wait was not so long. The servers were still super cool and the food was — better. Much better. I remember one day 15 years ago when I wanted fresh avocado for my omelette, and my friend walked over to the produce stand on the corner to pick one up for me.

Not anymore. Fresh fruits and vegetables are in abundance at Millie’s. The Avocado is at that rare peak of ripeness that only lasts 2 days. The fruit salad was sweet and the fruit was tender and soft without being gushy. Everything was at its peak.

The Devil’s Mess:

There is plenty on the menu to please carnivores and vegans alike. Low carb, low-fat, and even biscuits and gravy — they’ve got it all. I am particularly fond of the scrambles with toppings, which they call a “mess” I don’t know why phrases like “garbage plate” and “mess” are so appealing. It’s either the little kid or the biker in me.

If I had to categorize their food I would call it a cross between California Fresh and American Regional. Besides Southern biscuits and gravy, they serve a hangtown fry, corned beef hash, chilaquiles, and a salmon benedict.

But the regional favorite I had to try out on my last visit was the chicken friend steak. Like eggs benedict, it is a true test of a kitchen’s skill. And they came through. The pounded steak stayed crispy even under the blanket of thick (and rich) gravy. The potatoes may appear a little burned, but they are just right. Their biscuits are light and fluffy, like angel’s breath.

My most recent dining companion, LAist’s own Lindsay, chose the Eleanor R (Two eggs over-easy, cheddar cheese, over a layer of rosemary potatoes, salsa, guacamole, and sour cream) for which I was grateful. I had been curious to try that dish. But the name made me think of Eleanor Rigby, which made it seem too lonely. Maybe they should change the name to Eleanor G (I think you’re swell…”) Later I learned it was named for Eleanor roosevelt. Again, everything on the Eleanor R was excellent. The only complaint was that the eggs arrived cold. My own eggs weren’t really hot either, but I spend so much time taking pictures and yapping with waitresses I’ve become accustomed to eating cold food.

The chocolate chip pancakes were killer, even if I could only try a little bite. They were light and fluffy without being too thick and heavy. Lindsay was not so impressed. She felt the use of dark chocolate was a bit much. And supertasters are sensitive to that kind of bitterness.

For those of you with special dietary needs, Millie’s offers The Angel’s Mess (tofu scrambled with vegan sausage and casein-free soy cheese. Served with your choice of bread and a delectable fruit cup). The tofu scramble (colorful seasonal vegetables, tofu marinated in a sesame ginger soy sauce served on a bed of soy sauce) does not specifically say vegan, but that would be my bet.

They also have some delicious-looking oatmeal, omelettes, and a variations on a special called “the regular” which is kind of like a “Grand Slam”.

Overall, I was extremely impressed by the quality of the food, the cooking skills, and the good service. That coffee cup was never empty. The variety is practically on the level of Jerry’s Deli. It is rare that I look at a menu and want to try practically everything on it. I will be back soon to check out the intriguing Jackie G (Three scrambled eggs with cream cheese, scallions and sherry wine).

Of course, I only eat at Millie’s on weekedays. It is a brave diner who attempts to hit this place on a weekend, when the crowd, true to the name, are always milling about.

The most man ray menu in town

see you next time!

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