Here, Eat This! The Adventures of Kiki Maraschino

I started to get really good at spotting aurora. It starts out looking like a vertical cloud.

Then you hold up your phone and it turns green. So we went behind the hotel where it was darker and there were about seven people wandering around checking out the aurora.

The next night the lights were supposed to be really good, so we decided to find a darker area. We went out to Creamer’s Field. There was no aurora at all. We thought we would go to one of the covered benches to sit and wait.

I thought the ground was just wet. Never assume the shiny ground is wet when there is snow. It was ice. I started out windmilling, trying to save myself, then I started to pitch forward, and I knew that was it. I was going to crack my head or break my arm on the ice and it was going to be painful.

Suddenly, on the way down, I flashed on ice skating classes I took when I was nine. One of the first things they teach you is how to fall safely. So I put out my right palm, my left knee, lifted my head and slid forward. I hurt my hip a little but was fine. Luckily, I had a massage therapist with me, and Anne made sure I didn’t suffer.

When we walked back into the hotel lobby, everyone was talking about how awesome the aurora had been. I wanted to curse them out.

Pareidolia

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After five days at the hot springs, I had booked a week in the city. I chose The Westmark Fairbanks Hotel and Conference Center, a kind of Radisson-level place that had a kitchen and seemed comfy, but was reasonably priced.

The first night we arrived we were hungry, so we were looking online and found a nearby place called Red Lantern Steak & Spirits. The directions were really weird, directing us to go outside and travel in a big circle. It seemed illogical, so we just went to the lobby and there it was, a diner right inside our hotel. I had a really good BLT and creme brulee. Anne ordered another hamburger.

The hotel had breakfast included, but it wasn’t very good. They had nice baked goods and a breakfast fried rice full of bacon and ham and sausage, which I have never seen before. But the rest was soft bacon and eggs that seemed reconstituted from a bag.

Our view facing west

Sunrise from a window in the hallway

The hotel was about 5 blocks from the downtown area with cute little boutiques and restaurants. I really liked the art in one of the shops, but couldn’t take them home, so I just photographed them.

There was a piano in a little mini mall with this sign

I became obsessed with the Creperie and ate there a few times. My favorite thing was that they had a cheesecake-inspired cream filling.

The second-best thing on the menu was an unusual chopped shrimp salad stuffed into an avocado. It tasted better than it looks, but people passing by kept remarking on it.

This dog has seen some things.

An out-of-place but cool art deco building

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One of the attractions at Chena Hot Springs is an ice bar. You go in in a group and you get maybe an hour to hang out. They only serve appletinis, and they cost $20 a pop, so unless that is on your bucket list, just pay the entry fee, also $20.

We were waiting outside with our group of about 20 people, and they told us there would be a delay. A woman in the group before us had tried to go into the igloo and hit her head, and they were cleaning up the blood. None of us asked if she was ok or expressed any concern at all. Instead, every single one of us burst out laughing. I feel a little guilty about that, but every single person I have told this story to also laughs.

Lots of arches, flowers encased in ice and globes

The master at work

There are also two beds in there if you want to spend the night but I have no idea how much it costs and no one seemed that interested. But I liked the polar bear bed.

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They had dogsled rides at Chena, but I had already tried it last time I was in Alaska with my mom. Plus, I was running low on funds and had read that sometimes the dogs poop while they run, and you get hit.

But we did want to see puppers! There was a 30-minute talk on dogsledding. You can even adopt the puppies that aren’t into pulling. Sadly, they wouldn’t fit in my luggage. Then we saw the grown mushers.

Do not wear a scarf around dogs unless you want to go the way of Isadora Duncan.

PUPPIES!!!!

They did not want us to leave

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Chena Hot Springs is known for aurora viewing. We knew it looked good for that night, so I had my shoes and coat on, ready to go. I heard people running past our cabin squealing, so I went outside, and it was unreal. I almost didn’t want to go back and get Anne, but when I got back to our cabin, she was ready to go.

We ran up and down the lanes as the aurora moved from one side to the other. The arcs and bars were strong, an intense green and well-defined. It was the most fun aurora viewing of the whole trip.

Later our stoner friend said he had taken the military van up to the mountains to see them but it wasn’t much better, and the van was very, very bumpy.

I was a little disappointed that everything was green because one inspiration for this trip was “The Shooting of Dan McGrew” by Robert Service

While high overhead

Green, yellow and red

The Northern Lights swept in bars

In this photo you can see a little yellow and red along the bottom,

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They had a nice restaurant and bar. The clam chowder was recommended, and it was awesome, so rich with cream and butter.

It was also suggested we order from the appetizers only. The buffalo wings were good and I ordered them twice.

Anne liked her burger and ordered burgers almost every day of the trip.

One night I ordered Pho and it was surprisingly good for the boonies of Alaska.

One night I overheard the waiters talking about tamales. I asked in Spanish, “You have tamales???” A woman came out of the kitchen and said she can’t get masa up there, but she had champurrado for the workers and offered me some. It was so warm and comforting. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers.

Meanwhile, there were so many taxidermized heads in there I couldn’t help but think of Country Bear Jamboree.

BUFF
(Whistles.) Hey, Henry, what’s holdin’ ya up? Let’s get on with the show!

MAX
Now, Buff, be patient.

MELVYN
Yeah, we ain’t goin’ anywhere anyhow. We’re kind of hung up here! (Laughs.)

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Chena Hot Springs was discovered on August 5, 1905 by brothers Robert and Thomas Swan, gold miners who had heard that a U.S. Geological Survey had seen steam rising from a valley somewhere on the upper Chena River the year before.

It’s like a big campground resort, with the hot springs, a pool house with Jacuzzis, a pool, showers and lockers. There is a massage cabin, an ice bar, dogsledding, snowmobiles, and a weird military vehicle that takes you a mile up into the mountains for better aurora viewing. So many taxidermized animals all over Alaska.

We stayed in one of the Fox Cabins, which has three 2-bed, 3/4 bath private rooms and a housekeeping closet. I didn’t take a picture before we unpacked and Anne crashed. The only unpleasant thing is the spring water in our plumbing. The sink water is like melted pennies. After washing your hands, they smell like you were on the monkey bars. I kept a bottle of water next to the sink and after washing my hands in the sink I would rinse with the bottled water. The shower also smells like liquified metal farts.

I had reserved a room with a fridge, and called two days before to make sure we had one. There wasn’t one and even though I called several times, we never did get one. Anne improvised and opened a window, then pulled the shade down for a makeshift icebox. It must have looked funny from outside. Is a rotisserie chicken a distress signal?

The water in the hot springs was about 4 1/2 feet deep with a sandy bottom. The heat varied. Which was nice because you weren’t stuck in scalding water like at some hot springs. You could just slowly wander in the springs, finding hotter and cooler spots. There was a kind of rain shower and one hard jet of water coming down off of some high rocks that felt sooo good on your back.

We had met a few friends. This is our stoner buddy.

So, my wife and I saw you across the room, and we really dig your vibe…no, this was a very nice couple. I wanted to photograph him with his frozen facial hair.

Beware Anne when she has a stalactite.

Our hair was freezing, and we had fun making ice hairdos. One guy had an awesome mohawk, but he was getting out of the water, and the 20 feet from the hot springs to the pool house is freezing and that is no time to ask someone to pose.

I was going for Cindy Lou Who

It was sometimes so steamy you couldn’t see anything in front of you.

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The aurora was predicted to be awesome on our second night there, so I booked us an aurora watching in a lodge in the mountains. one trick they pull is that the price does not include the van up there, so it’s $100 more a person than advertised. but that’s what I was there for. Bob says, “You’re in the place – do the thing.

The lodge had a lot of board games, hot dogs, pizza and snacks.

There was a weird skull I photographed to show my brother who does that kind of thing.

We waited for the aurora sightings. And waited and waited. After a few hours we got called outside. They weren’t as amazing as the pics, as the camera stacks pixels and most people do a long exposure to get the bright greens. they often looked like wispy white clouds.

It was cool to see the green bars in the sky for the first time.

They took pictures of us, which was nice.

Then there was nothing for hours and hours. I asked the guide when we would be going back, and she kept saying, “Just a few more minutes, a few more minutes.” It was like 3am and I started to feel like I had been kidnapped.

On the drive home a few people noticed the aurora, so the driver kindly pulled over and about half of us braved the ice and cold. One woman was having that religious experience you can get in nature, repeating, “She’s dancing! Ohhhh, she’s dancing!”

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I have always dreamed of seeing the aurora. I did some research and Fairbanks in March is the best time. I planned 2 weeks so that regardless of the moon phase, weather, or a low aurora index, I would definitely see it. I invited Anne, my best friend of almost 40 years to join me. Two weeks is a long time in a little town like Fairbanks, so I mixed it up with a few different kinds of stays.

As I picked up my luggage at the Fairbanks airport, a girl told me, “You’re lucky. It’s not so cold tonight.” Then the doors opened, and an Arctic blast took a layer of skin off my face. So. Damn. Cold! 20 people were waiting for a taxi. There was only one taxi that goes to the airport. One. He would pick someone up and shout as he drove off, “I’ll be right back!”

I had not dressed for the weather, assuming I would have time after grabbing my luggage. Another lady and I talked the La Quinta shuttle driver into taking us and each gave him $20.

Anne met us outside of the tree house. It was more amongst trees than in the trees, but once I saw all of the adjustments that had to be made for such a small place, I was grateful it wasn’t smaller. There were LOTS of stairs. Lots of stairs.  I had to pack a third bag because I need four layers of clothes in the snow, and we also needed swim stuff for the hot springs. So, I had 3 suitcases. Anne was a true friend and carried my luggage up all of them. She is so strong. I’ve really missed her.

The two-story place was cool, with a kitchen, bathroom and sitting area on the first floor and a bed and rope hammock on the second floor. The bed had about five inches of foam on it, making getting in and out of bed comical. If you were too close to the edge you slipped right off. In general, it was a cute and comfy space. But it had a weird smoked salmon smell.

The spiral staircase to the second floor was a death trap. the stairs are so scary, Anne said it’s a slow vacation. Lots of caution. I think this place would be best for a very active couple in their 20s.

The snow was also a challenge for me. Just getting dressed is like an Olympic sport. I would not have the patience to live here. There was a bath house with outdoor Jacuzzis that it was too cold for, and really nice showers and bathrooms.

We were there during a full lunar eclipse. We had a really good view.

It was hard to get good pictures once the eclipse started.

The description said it had a “dry toilet.” I had no idea what that meant. It was less gross than expected but very weird. The “bowl” has tin foil, and when you flush it makes a terrifying noise and apparently ties off the tin foil leaving a fresh bowl. After the first flush the salmon smell went away. It was like peeing on a Jiffy Pop.

I told Anne not to wake me up unless she saw the aurora. It was dark and there were big windows, perfect for viewing. She woke me up twice and I saw nothing. She was like, “It was just there!” It was definitely an adventure, and Anne was the perfect person for it.

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